Frequently Asked Questions
What are some domestic abuse warning signs?
How do I know if I’m in an abusive relationship?
What can I do?
What can I do if I am hurt?
Whom does a restraining order cover?
What can be requested in a 209A order?
Support agencies
Sexual Assault Programs
What resources are available for abusers?
Victim's Rights
What are some domestic abuse warning signs?
Have you ever been hit, pushed, grabbed, or threatened by your partner?
Does your partner frighten or intimidate you?
Have you told your partner that you are afraid of him/her?
Have you shown fear in other ways?
Are your children in fear of him/her?
Does your partner insult you, call you names, or say things that make you feel uncomfortable?
Does your partner pressure you to do things their way, make all the decisions, or try to control you?
Does your partner have a history of violence, or being short tempered?
When your partner treats you badly do they consider it to be your fault?
Do they blame their anger on alcohol, stress or other problems?
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How do I know if I’m in an abusive relationship?
Does Your partner…
“Track” all of your time?
Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
Prevent you from working or attending group meetings or school?
Criticize you for little things?
Anger easily when drinking alcohol or taking drugs?
Control all the finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?
Humiliate you in front of others?
Destroy personal property or sentimental items?
Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
Use, or threaten to use, a weapon against you?
Threaten to hurt you or the children?
Force you to engage in sex against you will?
If you answer “yes” to even a few of these questions, it's time to get help!!
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What can I do?
Contact your family court for information about a civil protection order that doesn't involve criminal charges or penalties.
Talk to someone. Part of the abuser's power comes from secrecy. Victims are often ashamed to let anyone know about intimate family problems.
Go to a friend or neighbor, or call a domestic-violence hotline to talk to a counselor.
Plan ahead and know what you will do if you are attacked again. If you decide to leave, choose a place to go, and set aside some money. Put important papers together – marriage license, birth certificate, checkbooks, savings account books, social security cards, insurance information – in a place where you can get them quickly.
Learn to think independently. Try to plan for the future and set goals for yourself.
Have a safety plan - A safety plan is a tool to help you identify options, evaluate those options, and commit to a plan to reduce your risk in a violent or potentially violent situation. There is no right or wrong way to develop a safety plan; however, safety plans are most effective when they are specific to your situation. Domestic violence advocates are available to help you create a safety plan. Contact the police victim advocate for assistance or refer to the community resources listed below. **Remember to review your safety plan routinely and make changes if necessary**
Prearrange for a place to go if you are planning on leaving your abuser.
One of the most dangerous times for the victim is when they are terminating the relationship. Plan to break it off in a public place with a lot of people around.
Obtain a restraining order as soon as possible.
Change your locks.
Seek emergency shelter if you don't feel safe at home Change your routine.
Inform the people you work with/for.
Avoid isolated areas.
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What can I do if I am hurt?
There are no easy answers, but there are things you can do to protect yourself:
Call the police. Assault, even by family members, is a crime. The police often have information about shelters and other agencies that help victims of domestic violence. Leave, or have someone come stay with you. Go to a battered-woman's shelter – you can call a crisis hotline in your community, or a health center, to locate a shelter. If you believe that you and your children are in danger, leave immediately!
Get medical attention from your doctor or a hospital emergency room.
Ask the staff to photograph your injuries and keep detailed records in case you decide to take legal action.
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Restraining orders cover people who:
Are married to each other.
Are or were residing together in the same household (this includes same sex relationships, couples living together, parents and children, roommates)
Are related by blood
Related by marriage or were related by marriage
Have a child in common, regardless of marriage
Are or have been in a substantial dating relationship
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What can be requested in a 209A (Restraining) order?
A court may order the abuser to:
Refrain from abusing, hurting, or harassing the victim in any way.
Vacate the household.
Stay away from the victim.
No contact, directly or indirectly, or through third parties.
Stay away from places the victim and child may be. (work, school, etc.).
Temporary custody of any minor children.
Maintain all utilities in the household.
Surrender all firearms, ammunition, and licenses and permits for firearms.
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